he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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