That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
