If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
