I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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