just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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