So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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