Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
