theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
