good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
