We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
