Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
