We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize