hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
