When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
