do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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