I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
