so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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