Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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