i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize