it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
