i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
