I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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