now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
