I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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