It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
