So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
