I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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