Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
