We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
