Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
