the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
