Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize