I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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