I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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