She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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