She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize