I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
