We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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