I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
did you just send me my own nude
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
