Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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