I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize