I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sobbing to NWA
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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