i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
