you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
