My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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