I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This baby is an asshole
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
