actually, I'm a sock model
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
