you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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