I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
