How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
