i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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