Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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