Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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