Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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