Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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