no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
