I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
