i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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