you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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