She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
