I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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