just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
