that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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