can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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